


On Melancholy Hill

by HardStansOnly



Series: you would (k)not believe it [4]
Category: GOT7
Genre: A/B/O, Alpha!Mark, Alpha!jb, Anal Sex, Anatomy, Angst and Porn, Author remains an idiot, Beta!Youngjae, Beta!bambam, Beta!jinyoung, Bodily Autonomy, Consensual Sex, Cuddling & Snuggling, Daddy!JB, Did i mention pre-fic communication? Yes? Saying it again, Doctors are dicks, Give jackbum a hug, Gonna put that there for later, Hormones pheromones and other body fluids, Jb remains the ideal bitch, Knots and slick, M/M, Omega!Jackson, Oral Sex, Pining, Rut/heat cycles, Sad with a Happy Ending, Self doubt and other anxities, Side jinbamjae, Social stigmas bc old people are gross, This is not a cheating fic, Unforseen consequences and repercussions, omega!yugyeom, pre-discussed rut/heat partner sharing, ruts, side markgyeom, some medical talk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-11
Updated: 2019-10-11
Packaged: 2020-12-08 00:04:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,677
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20984660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HardStansOnly/pseuds/HardStansOnly
Summary: Up on Melancholy Hill there's a plastic tree. Are you here with me?





	On Melancholy Hill

**Author's Note:**

> This is unbeta'd bc all my betas have their hands more than full rn.
> 
> I just wanted Jaebum wrecking Jackson in a rut and realized we gotta deal with other things first because of who I am as a person. I also made everyone young as shit without realizing it?? My bad. I made them slightly older bc fuck linear time i'm god here - S

If you had asked Jaebum two months ago how he was doing he would have cried on the spot. Not that crying was uncommon at that time, crying had been his default reaction to everything from questions about his day to a sneeze. Jackson had been MIA, the world was terrible, and he had been seriously considering finding a way to simply evaporate into the ether. Jaebum had been so down into his own darkness that he hadn't been able to breathe.

Now, things were slowly getting better. Jackson was home, working his way back to being healthy with the help of their pack and Doctor Yoo. Jackson had already been going to therapy as part of his detox and continued to do so with the therapist that he had been referred to by the one one from his time in Hong Kong. Their rapper was still in the dog house, he had caused a lot of pain and hurt them all deeply but none of them wanted to see him kicked out. The six of them had all sat down after Jackson had come home to discuss how to proceed and the decision was unanimous. They were a pack. They wouldn't splinter now just because one of them had fucked up, even apocalyptically. 

When they all had started to present the question came up on who should be pack leader. For Jaebum at least, Mark was the natural choice. Being the oldest and usually the most level headed of their group Jaebum had been adamant that it should be him. However Mark wanted no part of that, he liked being the right hand and helping instead of leading. Jinyoung flatly told them he wouldn’t which left Jaebum or Jackson since the maknae line had not presented yet. Jaebum didn’t want it, didn’t want more responsibility. Didn’t want to _always_ have to be the bad guy, the one to dole out punishments for both the group and the pack. Not that it was ever a choice, the rest of them already leaned so heavily on him that it would have disrupted the balance they worked so hard to make if they split the leadership between him and someone else. 

Being the group leader and packleader wasn’t as hard as he imagined it would be. They already defaulted him for decisions but it did lead to some awkward conversations. Like when maknae line started presenting, the three of them unmated and staring down the barrel of their heats. The question of who would help them through ended up being pointless since Mark had found Yugyeom mid-heat the day it hit him and helped him through the rest. Jinyoung had been home when Youngjae’s heat hit him like a truck. Bambam had elected to take his heat alone even if it left all of them on edge while listening to him sob and scream through it. It was always hard to know their second youngest suffered so much, though it was likely that Jinyoung would take him through his heat now.

Despite the protest of a few people, mostly their managers, Jaebum accepted Jackson's courtship. The difference was that now their dates had to be chaperoned, all cuddle times watched, and they couldn't share a room again. Jaebum knew more than a few people were waiting for it to fail, for the two of them to fall apart again but he paid them no mind. The only person who got a say in this was Jackson. When they began putting their courting timeline together Mark had volunteered to be their keeper and would occasionally turn a blind eye so they could do more than hold hands. Not that either of them were willing to risk sex. Jackson’s body was still too fragile to jump back on birth control, Doctor Yoo was afraid if they reintroduced it too soon it would wreak havoc on his body. Instead they would sneak off and Jaebum would coo as Jackson grinded against his thigh, or cried into pillows as Jaebum ate his ass raw. 

Now that his mate was producing slick again Jaebum had to stop himself from dropping to his knees every time they stood next to each other. When Jackson had come back from Hong Kong dripping in slick Jaebum nearly lost his mind at the smell alone. He had gone so long without it that when it returned the alpha part in his brain screamed to shove his knot into his mate. That thought was quickly followed by the internal reminder that Jackson was still unable to take anything and would likely in pregnancy. Neither the two of them or Jackson’s body was ready for parenthood.

Jaebum was on the fence about having kids. Growing up he never wanted them, never felt the urge to father any small screaming things. He still had serious doubts about whether to have them or not though he knew deep in his heart if Jackson asked he'd cave. 

His mate had always talked about wanting children. Since they became a pack Jackson and Jinyoung always talked about having a brood to raise between all of them. The talk became more excited when Jackson presented as an omega. The day he presented younger had thrown himself into Jaebum's arms, tears lining his eyes in joy. He would get to be a dad and carry them. It had nearly broken Jackson completely when he was told he may never be able to carry now. Jaebum would find a way to give them babies when they were ready, if they ever became ready.

Could he be a dad?

_Knock. Knock. Knock._

Jaebum was pulled out of his head by the quiet sound. After a few seconds Jackson slipped in from the dark hallway, finger pressed to his lips. Once the door softly clicked behind him Jackson all but launched himself onto him making the bed frame creak in protest. Strong arms slowly gaining their muscle mass back wrapping around his neck before dragging him down making them both laugh quietly. Technically they were supposed to be supervised but that didn’t stop Jaebum from rolling Jackson onto his back and pressing their foreheads together to breathe in his mate’s scent.

"Hi daddy." The younger placed a few soft kisses on his lips.

"Hi baby." Even after two months Jaebum still had doubts this was real. That Jackson had returned and still loved him just as deeply and fervently as before. Taking a moment Jaebum held him close and drank in the feeling of his mate in his arms.

For a long time they simply laid in the bed silently. Jackson curled into his chest pressing occasional kisses to his skin. They missed being able to share a bed. Missed being able to start and end the day with one another. The two had nearly thrown tradition to the wind when their managers said they would be moved to different buildings if they didn't do it properly this time. Most of the staff were still waiting for this to fail.

"How was therapy today?" Jaebum finally broke the silence as he carded his fingers through the soft brown hair. Sometimes Jackson felt comfortable sharing his thoughts and sometimes he wasn’t. The weekly visits often had Jackson pensive, the younger looking off in the distance as he pondered things. Occasionally it left him more prickly than when he went in but now Jackson was hyper aware not only of his moods but how he spoke to people. 

Jackson and Bam were still on shaky ground but it was getting better, their almost maknae was just giving him hell to give him hell most days. Jackson did his best not only make apologies to the group show he was getting better. No one expected him to stop having bad days, he was human, and when he _did_ have bad days the rest of them did their best to not hold the past against him. None of them wanted to lose Jackson, he meant too much to them.

With a dramatic sigh Jackson lamented."Spent an hour crying about how bad I miss your knot." Jaebum had to stifle a laugh until Jackson broke and chuckled. "No really, I did.” Jaebum ducked down giving him a kiss between chuckles. Finally Jackson frowned, “It went okay. The slick still bothers me sometimes. Only when it's really heavy." Jaebum had to bite his tongue. It didn't matter if he _loved_ the slick that all but poured from his mate. Jackson had to learn to accept it as part of himself and _then_ Jaebum could work on making him see how amazing it was. Baby steps.

"I'm proud of you baby." Jaebum angled Jackson's face up for a kiss. "You're doing so good." Jackson preened under the praise. Jaebum kissed him again hard and heavy, tongue sliding against Jackson’s until his mate was a puddle under him. There was so much he wanted to do, so much he wanted to give but their hands were tied. Both by the courting limitations and Jackson’s fragile health.

Still the question lingered like a rock in his shoe. Did he want to be a father?

When Jaebum was done kissing Jackson breathless he arranged them so they would be more comfortable and the two lapsed back into silence, Jaebum trailing his knuckles down the warm skin. Jaebum did his best to fight against the urge to sleep but it was hard. Long days mixed with his mate’s closeness had his brain slowly dropping into sleep. It was always easier for him to sleep with Jackson in his arms, all of his systems settled subconsciously letting his tired brain simply drift off. That night had been no different than the others. One moment he was curled around Jackson, face buried in his scent gland, the next his alarm was going off and the space where his mate had been was long cold. Every time it happened he was reminded of the days Jackson was still gone and Jaebum had to take a few minutes to breathe past the panic and grief, listening to the sounds of Jackson moving around the dorm before he could get out of bed.

Something had to give.

_3 Days Later_

Jaebum sat in the hospital waiting room, one headphone in as his foot tapped quietly to the beat of the song. It had taken a few days to work up the courage to make an appointment and Jaebum had spent the better part of the morning trying not to talk to himself out of it. As the patients are called in one at a time Jaebum’s foot tapped a little faster making his knee bounce.

“Mr. Im.” The sound of the nurse calling his name made his heart jump into his throat.

Jaebum followed the nurse back to the little white room. After he bowed a thank you he sat on the little bed staring at the smooth eggshell white walls. There were diagrams of the human body, different explanations for different sub-genders. Most of it was basic stuff. Alphas have knots and ruts, omegas have slick and heats. Betas required specialized doctors, their anatomy being more sensitive to hormone imbalances than alphas or omegas. Had Bambam or Jinyoung attempted to do what Jackson did it would have killed them.

When the nurses came in Jaebum removed his hoodie, holding his arm out dutifully letting them take his vitals. Jaebum knew that a few of the staff had recognized him, it was a reality that all idols lived with, but he hoped they would keep his visit quiet. 

"What brings you in today Mr. Im?" The nurse practitioner asked, blue gloved fingers poised over the keys of the hospital computer. "Our records show you're up to date with all your vaccinations and a check up was completed at the beginning of the year."

"Um." Jaebum squirmed a bit in his seat. Gnawing in his lip a bit Jaebum was grateful the nurse was being patient. "Well. I-uh." Sighing heavily Jaebum used every bit of hard earned confidence to get the sentence out. Looking the nurse in the eye Jaebum hoped he sounded convincing. "I want to get a consultation about a vasectomy." 

"Oh." She blinked in surprise. "Alright." Her fingers typed back on the keys as if he didn't just ask for what many still considered taboo. Just as child bearing people, no matter their gender or sub-gender, were expected to bear babies as a male he was expected to father them. Voluntary sterilization was rarely talked about and _highly_ frowned upon. Only people with severe medical issues got sterilized and even then it was looked down on. Better to die giving birth than to not have kids at all.

Still.

It was his body. His choice.

The words made him cringe in memory of what Jackson had said about the patches. He tried to reason with himself, again, that this was different. This wouldn't change his biology in the same way, it would be done by a medical professional. It was also, more or less, reversible.

"Would you, if approved, be looking to store some sperm for the future?" The nurse glanced over at him. Jaebum nodded a yes. "Are you mated?"

"It's complicated." Jaebum winced. It wasn't but he didn't want to risk anything getting out before they were ready. The nurse bobbed her head absently in acknowledgement. He would have to remember to put a good word in for her in the survey the office sent after a visit.

"Do they know?" Jaebum bit back a sigh. He could clearly see the list of questions on the computer. She had to ask. It still felt invasive.

"Not yet." Jaebum ran his hands down his face. "I'm going to talk to hi-_them_ afterwards.” Jaebum quickly corrected himself. “I want to know more before I open the conversation." The response was typed in and finally she clicked the little Submit button.

"The doctor will be with you shortly." The nurse smiled. Before she opened the door she turned and looked at him pensively. "If I may. Why are _you_ getting the cut?"

"Because my mate wants children but we're not ready." Jaebum twisted the ring on his finger. He had plucked it from Jackson's room that morning for strength. "Their body is too fragile right now and I love my mate more than the thought of potential children." The nurse's face softened.

"They're lucky to have you." The nurse bowed and left the room. "Good luck Mr. Im."

Jaebum was once again left alone in the room.

_Bzzt. Bzzt._

Pulling out his phone Jaebum smiled. The lock screen was his cats incase someone got close enough to peek. His home screen was a picture of jackson that he had caught while the younger wasn't paying attention. Jackson had been sitting on their bed in one of Jaebum's giant shirts reading a book, glasses low in his nose. His hair a soft cloud from their nap before the picture was taken. Jaebum took a few moments to trace the lines of his face letting the bloom of affection roll through his body. Finally he opened his text messages.

_Jackson: How is it going?_  
_Jaebum: Waiting for the doc to come in_  
_Jackson: Is this where you tell me you're pregnant_

Jaebum chuckled, chest filling with warmth. Talking about children often left Jackson morose. Seeing him joke about it was worlds better than seeing him cry.

_Jaebum: I am. Jinyoung is the father_  
_Jackson: I knew it. My best friend sleeping with my mate. I have to dust off the ol' foil and duel for your honor_

Jaebum laughed loudly at that. Duels were Jackson's favorite dramatic threat. Sometimes he would get Mark or Yugyeom to battle using the wands from the window blinds or the serving spoons from the kitchen while the rest of them laughed.

_Jaebum: Film it and we'll sell it to Hallmark or Vicki. We can retire by christmas_

Jackson sent back a gif of two minions laughing.

_Knock. Knock. Knock._

"Mr. Im." Pocketing his phone Jaebum straightened up in the bed. "I'm Doctor Park." Jaebum gave a small bow from where he sat. "The nurse says you want a vasectomy." The man was short, at least shorter than him. Round face set behind thick glasses and features crumpled into a disapproving look.

"I'm looking into it yes." Jaebum wished he had printed out the papers. "The requirements are that I'm over 21, of sound-"

"I know what they are." The doctor's voice was clipped. Jaebum bit his tongue trying not to huff. "Why would a twenty-four year old man, an alpha no less, want a vasectomy for?" The tone the doctor used made it clear he was already not listening.

"This isn't an impulse choice sir." Jaebum lifted his jaw. "My mate's body is fragile. I don't want children and if we end up wanting children later we will address it then."

"You will change your mind." Doctor Park leaned against the counter, arms crossed. "What happens if one day you wake up and think this is a mistake?"

"What happens if I wake up one day and my mate is dead or has a miscarriage?" Jaebum shot back hotly. "Vasectomies are nearly eighty percent reversible which is better odds than a male omega getting their tubes tied and trying to reverse it later." Doctor Park frowned deeper. The heavy lines framing the corners of the thin lips made Jaebum wonder if the man ever smiled. "Reversing male bodied tubal ligation sixty percent. At best. That's being at full health - which he _isn't_."

"Mr. Im, please." The man held up a hand. Jaebum hadn't realized he had leaned forward. Slowly he unclenched his fists, fingers cracking in the effort. "How long have you been with your mate?"

"I…" Jaebum looked away. Pulling deep into his reserve of patience Jaebum took a breath. "Less than a year."

"And what if this doesn't work out? What if your next partner wants children?" Jaebum had to beat back the red filling his vision. The doctor implying that jackson was going to be taken away made his hackles rise.

"I never wanted children. I still don't." Jaebum didn't look up. "But if my mate wants them in the future when we can care for them and he can carry them so be it." Jaebum looked up at the doctor, "if they aren't Jackson's I don't want them."

"You risk not only the chance of not being able to reverse it but also a fifteen, _fifteen_ Mr. Im, percent increased risk of prostate cancer." Doctor Park raised his chin. "Along with the fact that when the sperm dissolves back into the body it can change your hormones."

"And birth control in both male and female bodies come with a heightened risk of cervical cancer." Jaebum inclined his chin back.

The two stared at each other in silence. Doctor Park still didn't look convinced. Jaebum had what most didn't in this situation. Money. If doctor Park didn't want to give him the time of day then he could talk with another. And another if needed. This was his choice and he'd be damned before letting a 50+ year old man tell him what he was allowed to do with his body.

"Why doesn't your mate take birth control?" Doctor Park pulled a clipboard to write a few things.

"His body is weak. He had a hormone imbalance that is being corrected but it will take time." Jaebum hoped this meant the man would relent. "My rut will be within the month on top of his heat at the end of the year."

"I see. Mr. Im I won't sign off on this." Jaebum dug his nails into his palm. "If you want to just have sex with no-"

"Did you even _listen_ to me?" Jaebum nearly yelled. "What I _want_ is to protect my mate."

"Have a good day Mr. Im." Doctor Park exited the room leaving Jaebum reeling.

What had just happened?

Returning home Jaebum stormed through the dorm building before reaching his and slammed the door closed behind him. Wincing at the sound he sent an apology to where Mark and Yugyeom had jolted on the couch, both clearly startled. Toeing off his shoes Jaebum retreated to his room to google everything for what felt like the millionth time.

Jaebum crawled through article after article. Statistic after statistic. He read testimonials, both good and bad, went through blogs about people getting vasectomies done and their journey. More than a few were alphas who didn't want children or their mates couldn't take birth control for various reasons. Jaebum wondered if it would be weird to contact one of them. To see if they would be willing to talk about it with him.

After hours of reading he finally got the nerve to ask. The worst that could happen was the alpha he was attempting to contact would either ignore him or say no. If that was the case he'd ask another. The one Jaebum ended up choosing was because the author was candid about their experiences. The fight with doctors, the pain, the pros _and_ cons of getting it done. The alpha who called himself Eric also wrote about the emotional side effects. How it impacted himself as a person, a mate, and an alpha.

Drafting his first message took nearly an hour, even with it being anonymous Jaebum didn't want to risk giving too much information.

_Hello Eric,_

_I've been following your blog for a short time. I have found myself in a situation similar to yours and have been considering getting a vasectomy. Would you be willing to talk about the process?_

_Regards, J_

Jaebum stared at the few sentences for another ten minutes before hitting the **Send** button.

Tossing his phone on to the dresser Jaebum laid on his back. He needed to talk to Jackson about this. Just showing up and going 'hey look what I did' would be disastrous. It would be a slap in the face to all the progress they've made. He just didn't know how to broach the subject. 

"Want to talk about why you stormed in and locked yourself away?" Jaebum cringed at the door opening. It looked like Jackson had made that decision for him.

Jaebum sat up on the bed, arms open to let Jackson crawl into them. He hoped his mate would understand.

Taking a few deep breaths Jaebum reached for the same courage he had gathered to send the email to Eric the Alpha. "I went to get a consultation about a vasectomy." Jaebum the the words spill out. Predictably, Jackson didn't take it well.

"You _whAT_?" Jackson hissed angrily even as Jaebum could smell his heartbreaking. "J-"

"Please." Jaebum slumped down, he wouldn't snap at Jackson like he did at doctor Park. Still, hs was sick of people talking over him about this. "I just wanted to _talk_ with a doctor. Risks and all that."

"You don't want to have kids with me?" Now that the flash fire of anger was gone his mate was shrinking into himself. "I'll get better. I-"

"Baby." Jaebum pulled him close again. "I _only_ want kids with you." He let his mate chew over the words. "But we're not ready. Your body is still healing." Jaebum pressed his face into Jackson's neck. "I want to give us time."

"You've said before you don't want kids." Jackson sounded small. Jackson picked at the hem of the shirt he was wearing. Jaebum's shirt. It seemed any time Jackson bothered wearing a shirt it was one he snagged from Jaebum's closet.

"I didn't." Jaebum sighed heavily. "I'm...I'm still…" Jaebum felt Jackson's gaze more than he saw it. "I don't know." He finally looked up to meet his mate's eyes. "Jackson if I were to ever have children it would be with you." Jaebum ran his knuckles across the high cheekbone to wipe away a year. "But we can't right now. Not with our careers. Not before your body can handle it."

Jackson leaned against him, pensive. "I could get my tubes tied."

"We both know that is too risky." Jaebum kissed his hair. Jackson knew every statistic for male omegas like his own name. Jaebum would never ask him to jeopardize his ability to have children, not while there was other options. "Even if you were in perfect health."

"I'm sorry." The words were small. "It's my fault."

"No baby." Jaebum nuzzled against his face. "I had been thinking about it long before that." It wasn't exactly a lie. He had thought about it ages ago but being off of his feet for the recovery period simply wasn't possible with their schedules. 

Tightening his hold Jaebum rocked them slowly. Even though it was his body it wasn't just his choice. Jackson was always going to have a say in this. That's what mates did, they talked about life altering changes before doing them.

"I was going to talk to you." Jaebum whispered into the silence. "I just wanted to have more information." Jackson remained silent so Jabeum didn't push.

Feeling his back beginning to stiffen Jaebum pulled Jackson down, their limbs tangling together. Letting his eyes drift closed Jaebum himself rest a bit while Jackson worked through what he needed to. The rapper hadn't stormed off yet which Jaebum took as a good sign. Jackson was still willing to talk to him was already better than he was expecting.

The silence continued to stretch.

Jaebum was nearly asleep when Jackson sighed heavily. "I'm not mad." 

Jaebum hummed but didn't say anything. His brain had started to feel heavy again, not quite sleepy but it still took a few seconds to realize Jackson has started talking again.

"Just...take me with you next time." Jackson shifted closer, eyes still cast down. Jaebum tried to speak but his tongue was glued to the top of his mouth.His mate smelled so sweet that Jaebum shuffled down some so he could press his face into Jackson's neck. He had meant it as a comforting gesture but now he was unable to stop himself from mouthing wetly at the skin. "Jb…"

"Hm?" Jaebum licked against the scent gland filling his senses with Jackson's smell. It was like smelling it for the first time and Jabeum needed to taste. He was going to die if he didn’t get his teeth into his mate.

"We ca-" Jaebum couldn't process the words being said. All he could process was _mate_ and _mine_. 

Slipping a hand between them Jaebum palmed at Jackson's shorts until his mate was grinding up against his hand. The sounds coming from Jackson weren't enough, not by half. He needed to hear Jackson scream his name. To feel his mate break while he fucked him. The memories of Jackson face down, ass stretched open by his knot made Jaebum's whole body throb. 

Mate. Fuck. _Babies._

The line of thought made him jerk back a little, eyes opening heavily. Babies...bad? Why were babies bad?

Under him Jackson was splayed out, hard in his shorts, his eyes misty and a deep purple mark blooming on his neck. A small part of his brain was screaming to stop but Jaebum couldn't if he wanted to. Why would he want to? Why would he ever want to not be buried in Jackson? It was absurd.

Jaebum descended back down on his mate, hands groping until Jackson pushed him back just enough so he could kick the basketball shorts off. The unhindered smell of hot slick that wafted up made Jaebum drool. The trail of saliva down his chin would have been embarrassing if Jaebum was capable of thinking past the crossed wires of eating Jackson raw or shoving his aching dick into the warm wet that Jackson had slipped his fingers into. 

As if he needed the extra temptation Jackson lifted a knee to shove another finger into himself. "Daddy please." Jaebum watched entranced as the digits moved in and out before letting the heat take over.

Mate.

Knot.

_Fuck._

Jaebum surfaced from the haze again. He blinked and now Jackson was folded up near in half, the taste of slick heavy on his tongue. Everything seemed to move in slow motion. From how he tossed Jackson's legs back over his shoulders, to the delayed explosion on slick against his palate. It had been months since he got to fuck his mate. Months of Jackson whispering how he wanted his daddy. They deserved this right? Jackson was willing, his body always so responsive. 

His pretty mate always hot and wet and messy for him.

"Jaebum I-i'm…" Jackson's voice was tight, pretty brown eyes scrunched closed and mouth hanging open. Focusing on the little bundle of nerves that he could sort of remember through the fog Jabeum kept lapping at his mate until Jackson came, legs locked around his head. His mate jerked up, fingers tangling in Jaebum's hair even as he filled the room with a long moan. Then another. And another as Jaebum kept going, kept rubbing that bundle and making Jackson gasp and claw at the sheets. “Daddy I can’t...I-I. I'm…_shit_.” The spurt of slick against his face made Jaebum all but feral with need. His mate was ready to be fucked, body loose and open and begging for his pups.

Seconds later the door busted open.

"Goddamn it you tw-" Jaebum growled deep from his chest at Jinyoung. His friend stood in the doorway, eyes wide. "Oh...oh no. Jackson come here." Jaebum growled deeper. The beta was trying to steal his mate.

"C'mon Jinyoung you’re being overbeari-" Mark appeared looking like he had just been woken up. The second alpha took one breath before suddenly tensing. "Jackson. You need to leave the room."

Mate. Fuck. _Competition_.

"Jackson. Now." Jinyoung's voice was sharp. Jaebum held his mate's thighs tighter. The only thing keeping Jaebum from launching off the bed was the two looked...worried. There was no lust or desire coming from either Mark or Jinyoung. There was concern, maybe a bit of anxiousness. A touch of stress.

Why were they so worried? He wouldn’t hurt his mate.

"Jin please. I want it." Jackson's voice was small. The brown eyes glazed over and misty post orgasm. "I want my daddy." Jaebum moved from between his thighs to cover Jackson’s body with his own. He needed to hear his baby scream again. It was all he could seem to think about. “Please Jinyoung I want my daddy’s knot.” Jaebum rumbled a low please noise in his chest. His baby trusted him. He would take his mate in front of them if they wouldn’t leave.

"Of course you do but he's in _rut_." The word made the room stiffen. Jaebum stared at him for a moment, the words filtering in through the haze.

Oh.

_O H._

Scrambling off the bed Jaebum pushed himself against the wall, heart pounding like a jackhammer against his ribs. His fucking rut had come out of no where and nearly messed everything up. Even being two weeks early how did he _miss_ it? How did he not realize it until now? He had Jackson laid out like a centerfold in front of people. Was he really that sex starved?

"Move it." Jinyoung's voice was harsh. Jaebum watched as Jackson reluctantly climbed off the bed, shorts pulled back up the slim hips. His mate kept shooting looks over his shoulder until Mark grabbed his wrist and dragged the omega from his sight.

A small pained noise crawled its way up Jaebum's throat. His mate was leaving. He was unworthy. Mate. Gone. Bad.

"He can't be here." Jinyoung's voice was soft now that Mark had whisked Jackson away. "His body can't handle it." Jaebum whined again. Two rooms away Jackson's answering whine was just as heartbroken.

Mate. Gone. Pain.

Jaebum, logically, knew Jackson couldn't be in the room. Jaebum's ruts were intense, they had always been body driven and he wouldn't be able to stop himself. He would fuck Jackson until his mate was dripping cum and there would be no doubt he would end up pregnant. He did everything he could to _not_ be the stereotypical alpha. To keep his instincts in check and be better than the media portrayed alphas to be. However all of that went out the window the second his rut hit.

His ruts had always been bad, painful at the highest points, but manageable. A fleshlight, a stolen shirt, and vivid imagination usually got him through. Even the few fleeting relationships he had from the time he presented until now he took his ruts by himself. He didn't need managers breathing down his neck to not risk getting someone accidentally pregnant. Most of his partners had taken it well, a few not so good. They had accused him of not wanting to commit, of being too puritanical. Maybe he was. He didn’t want mates or children, not really, but Jackson changed everything. He always seemed to be the exception to everything in Jaebum’s life. Sometimes he couldn’t help but laugh at how cliché everything about his relationship was. Like some of the cheesy movies that he liked to watch over the holidays. Complete with self-inflicted drama, mutual pining, and easily avoidable mishaps.

Jaebum had fallen in some form of love with Jackson years ago but he rapper always seemed so far away. Jackson made friends easily, lovers twice as easy. Between his bigger than life personality and his looks Jackson had always been the object of affection or at least lust among not only fellow trainees but other idols as well. In the beginning Jaebum simply ignored his feelings, it was clear he couldn't hold a candle to the people who had taken Jackson to bed. So he let it go, distanced himself from the feelings until he successfully buried them and moved on with his life. Every so often it would flare up, his first rut being the absolute _worst_ of it. Jackson hadn’t even presented but Jaebum had snatched one of his shirts before locking himself away for the 2 days it took for the rut to pass. If Jackson ever knew what he did the Chinese man never said anything and Jaebum was too embarrassed to bring it up. He was also too shy to ask how whenever his ruts hit some of Jackson’s clothes would mysteriously find their way into his room.

Mark had known of course, Mark seemed to know everything, about his big ugly crush that wouldn’t go away. The American had nearly convinced him to say something when Jackson had gotten into his first serious relationship post presentation. Jaebum would have sooner launched himself off the top of the building than stand in the way of any of his pack's happiness, least of all Jackson's. He didn't even feel a sense of relief when it ended, just sadness for his heart broken pack member. Jackson had spent the week following the break up avoiding everyone if it didn’t involve work. Jaebum couldn’t bring himself to say anything and soon Jackson had was mooning over another.

“Jaebum.” The sound of his name dragged his attention to the door. “What do you need to help?” It was Bambam and Youngjae, both with their pupils blown wide open. Not because they wanted to sleep with him but because the pheromones being dumped into the room were laced with rut.

“Jackson.” The word sounded like it was dragged out of his throat. He wanted his mate and it bled into his scent. Rut and mourning. Jabeum wasn't brave enough to consider how this would have gone if Jackson didn't come home all those months ago.

“He can’t.” Jaebum couldn’t be sure who said it but it made him whine low and pained. An answering whine echoed down the hallway.

Mate. Gone. Bad.

Bad alpha. Bad mate. Bad, bad, bad, bad, bad.

After a few moments of silence the two closed the door with heartbroken looks. Dragging himself to his bed Jaebum buried his face into the sheets where the smell of Jackson remained. His whole body ached, like a twist key was hooked into his spine and had already begun to draw his shoulders tight. The temperature of his skin spiked while charlie horses started to bloom in his thighs at the forced stillness. Inhaling deeply Jaebum dragged his hips against the mattress trying to relieve some of the pain starting to build. He hadn’t been able to take any of his pre-rut precautions and now he was going to feel like he was dying for who knows how long.

Still his head could only scream the same string of words while he cried out for his mate that wasn’t going to come.

Bad alpha. Bad mate. 

Jackson doesn’t want you.

**

Jaebum didn't know how long he laid in bed twitching in pain. He barely got one orgasm out before it hurt to much to move. His body was still desperately trying to entice his mate back to him. The pheromones dumping so much it gagged him. Part of him wondered if the smell was circulating in the vents of the building. He couldn't stop himself from crying, hoarse voice calling out though Jackson's answering whines had stopped some time ago.

Jackson gone. Bad alpha. Unworthy mate.

Floating hazily in the pain Jaebum occasionally got his body to cooperate enough to reach down and squeeze his knot. When he could, it took the barest of edges off. If he moved his shoulders he caught the nearly dissipated scent of his mate from the sheets. It wasn't enough.

Pain, pain, pain, pain, pain.

The door opening barley caught his attention. The smell of omega hit but it wasn't Jackson crawling into bed with him. The alpha part recognized that it was one of his omegas which helped. Even if it wasn't his mate it was a member of his pack seeing him vulnerable.

"I'm sorry I'm not the omega you need but I'm going to help." The sweet voice of their maknae washed into his brain. "Shhhh. Its okay." Jaebum realized another whine escaped. He couldn't fuck the baby. Yugyeom was Mark's mate.

"Can't." Jaebum tried to move but his limbs were twisted in pain. "Mate. Can't."

"Jackson sent this in for you." Yugyeom pressed a piece of wadded cloth to his face. Jackson's shorts from before he left. Jaebum came from the smell alone but it wasn’t enough to cool the fire in his body. "Can I help you Jb?" Yugyeom was massaging his tense thighs. "Alpha please let me help you."

"Yes." Jaebum would hate himself later. Would let Mark kick his ass after he stopped feeling like was dying. "Yug. Please."

"Shh." Yugyeom kissed his cheeks. "You always take care of us, let me take care of you." 

The first drag of Yugyeom's tongue against his dick had Jabeum groaning into Jackson's shorts. If he tried hard enough he could pretend its was his mate holding his knot and sucking him off. Was it rude? Probably. But Yugyeom didn't seem to mind. The maknae was _encouraging_ it.

"Jackson has been calling out for you alpha." Jaebum hiccuped a sob into the shorts, another orgasm hitting now that he was finally getting stimulation. "He wants to be with his daddy." Jaebum whined at the shift in the bed. Even with his knot finally down if Yugyeom left now he'd be worse off than if he never came in at all. "He always cries for you." The smell of fresh slick wafted past Jackson's scent.

"Gyeomie." Jaebum panted, dick throbbing painfully between his legs. "Gyeom please." He was already getting hard again and he hated himself for it.

Jaebum moaned brokenly as Yugyeom lowered himself down onto his dick. It had been 5 months since he had been laid and Jaebum couldn't stop his hips from bucking up weakly. Heat and slick and the feeling of muscles contracting around him had Jaebum mindlessly rutting up into the maknae. Each movement making him moan more as the grip on his control dwindled rapidly.

"Jackson talks about his daddy so much." Yugyeom rolled his hips in slow purposeful movements. "Tells us about how good you make him feel. How you edge him until he can't breathe or remember his name." Jaebum felt the tears slide down from his eyes. Pushing the shorts back into his face Yugyeom continued, the dancer beginning to speed up. "Your baby loves you so much." Yugyeom's hips had started to speed up. "Let go for me alpha."

Finally Jaebum couldn't keep his head anymore. Not with how Yugyeom was riding him hard and fast, the room filled with the heavy scent of sex. The part of him holding out for Jackson, for his mate, finally caved to the animal thing pushing through. Jaebum pulled out long enough to flip Yugyeom onto the bed before he began to fuck into him. 

Heat. Fuck. Omega.

*

The soft fingers that scratched against his scalp made Jaebum realize he was awake. At some point he had fallen asleep but not before making Yugyeom cum three? Times? Maybe more? He wasn't sure. He couldn't remember much and what he did remember was distorted.

A very large part of him was grief stricken that the first rut he had shared with someone and not a toy wasn't with his mate. Jaebum would have found a way to snip off his balls himself if it meant he could have given this to Jackson. The arms holding him tightened even as Jaebum whined a small heartbroken sound.

"I'm sorry Jb." Yugyeom's voice was rough but filled with love. "I'm so sorry we couldn't let him come to you." Jaebum cried not from physical pain this time but in mourning. True, devastated mourning. "You're a good alpha, a good mate. Jackson loves you so much." The words did little to help. "We love you Jb. Go back to sleep." Unable to do anything else while his heart threatened to shatter he did.

*

Jaebum woke again later, his body blessedly cool. The deep ache in his muscles remained present but the burning lust was gone. It seemed that once his body realized his mate wasn't coming his rut fizzled out. Still curled around him Yugyeom watched him intently.

"How long?" Jaebum's throat felt like sandpaper.

"Less than a day." The maknae stretched out a bit. "Your inner alpha pines more than you do." Jaebum snorted but Yugyeom kissed across his face. The maknae kept at it until Jaebum playful pushed him away.

"You shouldn't have come in." Jaebum stared at the door suddenly somber. "You're mated, we're both mated."

"As if any of us could bear to hear you in pain. It wasn't just regular rut pains, we all know what those sound like." The maknae forced Jaebum to loom at him. "In the beginning we agreed to help each other out when needed in situations like this. The only person who opted to not have help was Bam."

"Gy-"

Yugyeom shook his head, eyes fierce. "I love you, we love you. You're our friend and leader and I wanted to help you." Yugyeom brushed his hair back and Jaebum wondered when their wild maknae got so mature. It was like overnight he shifted. Not much, Yugyeom could still be wild, but enough that sometimes it threw them off guard. "Even if Mark is a little prickly because of hormones we agreed as partners to help you. I didn't walk in without discussing it with my mate or Jackson." Finally Jaebum relented and he kissed Yugyeom's cheek.

Needing some levity or he would start crying again he looked over with a grin and asked, "Did I at least make you feel good? Or should I take my ruts alone to avoid disappointing Jackson?" That made Yugyeom laugh, arm coming up to push his shoulder playfully. With a charlie horse building in his thigh Jaebum moved out of Yugyeom's arms to stretch. "I didn't hurt you did I?"

"This isn't my first rut Jb." Yugyeom stood on shaky legs to stretch too. Jaebum leveled his best unimpressed look until finally Yugyeom relented. "You didn't hurt me." Jaebum sighed in relief. "And you got a nice knot." 

Jaebum groaned, face falling into his hands. He had hoped some semblance of himself would have stopped him from knotting Yugyeom but of course he didn't. He knotted the baby, Mark's _mate_, at least twice and even if it was consensual Jaebum felt guilty.

_Knock, knock, knock._

"Can I come in?" Jinyoung's voice was muffled by the door. Yugyeom looked over, clearly questioning.

"Yeah. We're good." Jaebum wiggled into a pair of shorts as Yugyeom opted to stay bare ass naked.

Outside the door Jinyoung stood with Mark hovering behind him. The oldest was in Yugyeom's hoodie, eyes a little dark but he wasn't angry. There was no threat of violence mixed in with his scent.

"Gotta go." Yugyeom bypassed his clothes beelining for Mark. "Hi mommy." The second the maknae was within range Mark snatched him up by the waist to whisk him away to their room. Jaebum wondered if he was going to let Yugyeom shower before fucking him blind.

By the sounds already coming from the room, probably not.

"You need to shower." Jinyoung drew his attention back. "Shower and I'll get your room cleared out."

"You're being mightily helpful." Jaebum looked at Jinyoung with a slight frown. None of them ever did heat or rut clean up for the others. The pheromones could trigger a rut if Jinyoung stayed in them too long. Besides it was a little off putting change out sex sheets if they weren't you're own.

"You haven't been listening to Jackson sob for nearly a whole day." Jinyoung was already moving to open the window and turn the fan on. "He's taking this really hard. The sooner we can let him near you the better." The whines from down the hall ripped at his heart.

His mate needed him.

Jaebum showered as quickly as he could. He scrubbed down with scent neautralizer soap, only getting it in his eyes once. By the time he stumbled into his room Jackson was on the bed with Bambam fiddling with his shirt.

"Sorry Jb." Bam smiled apologetically. "Can't risk you two getting handsy again and retriggering your rut."

Jaebum nodded absently but his eyes were focused on Jackson who still hadn't looked up. "Baby?"

"I didn't know what else to do." Jackson twisted the shirt more. "You were in so much pain and I couldn't…I couldn't come to you." Jackson finally looked up. There were dark circles under his eyes and his face was puffed up from crying. "I'm sorry."

"Baby, no." Jaebum crawled onto the bed, passing Bam and pulling Jackson to him. "Shhh. Its okay Jacks. It's okay baby." Jaebum clung to Jackson as much as Jackson clung to him. 

Bambam laid on the bed next to them, the beta pumping out a ridiculous amount of neutralizing pheromones to counteract the ones in the room. Combined with him talking about whatever stream of conscious thing that popped into his head and the pheromones Jaebum felt the last of his rut dissapaiting.

"And I swear to god if Jinyoung doesnt fuck me after this we're going to have to start this stupid courting all over again." Bambam huffed after two hours making both Jaebum and Jackson laugh.

"Why?" Jaebum laid them down and pulled Jackson closer to scent him, hand skittering up the baggy shirt.

"Because," Bambam sighed in annoyance before wiggling between the two of them. "I'm going to have someone blow me so I don't crawl out of my skin." Jackson laughed into the Thai man's shoulder.

"I thought you liked being wined and dined." Jaebum rolled onto his stomach, arm thrown over Bambam's chest. It was clear Bambam was getting tired from working overtime in the room. If it wasn't for betas natural resistance to triggered cycles their honorary maknae would have gone into his heat.

"I do. Just not for eight months." Bambam pulled Jackson to rest against his chest. The rapper sighed heavily, fingers scratching at Jackson's scalp. "Is it weird to be..." Before either Jaebum or Jackson could ask Bambam waved his hand dismissively. "Good grief Mark is trying to get us another noise complaint."

Jaebum blushed, eyes skittering away from them. Mark was reestablishing his claim in Yugyeom and is brought back a wave of grief and shame. Immediately he saw his phone and wondered if during his rut Eric had answered his email. Or maybe Doctor Park changed his mind. A glance at Jackson killed any desire to reach over and look at it. His mate was already having a rough time, trying to discuss this on top of everything else would do more harm than good.

"Alright you two. I think we're in the clear." The room looked over to where Jinyoung was back in the doorway. "What's the likelihood of you two staying in your own rooms?" Jaebum snorted. "Figured as much." Jinyoung looked at Bambam with an almost longing expression. "You look terrible." Bambam glared. "Can you two promise not to fuck."

"I'll get out my chastity belt." Jackson was already trying to shove Bambam off the bed. "Go get that dick." Jaebum had to hide his laugh at Jackson's whispered words. Jaebum hoped Jinyoung would cave just this once and give Bambam some relief.

With the two betas finally out of the room Jaebum pressed Jackson into the bed, his mate slotting their bodies together. If he was careful, he could do this and not backslide into his rut. In between kisses the two exchanged soft words. Little I love yous and It's Okays. They couldn't have sex but Jaebum could do this. He could make Jackson feel beautiful and loved.

***

Jaebum eventually got a reply from the alpha the following week. To his surprise the alpha was open to talking about what it was like. The good days, the bad days, the changes in his rut. Eric recommended him to his doctor with the warning that he still might get turned down. This urethral doctor would at least give him the time of day and that was enough.

This time when he went to the doctor's office Jackson sat next to him, fingers laced together. A united front.

"Mr. Im." The nurse calling his name gave him a bit of deja vu. The battery of tests furthered the feeling.

Sitting on the hospital bed as they waited for the doctor was less daunting now. Next to him Jackson stood, their fingers laced together. Jaebum pressed a kiss to his mate's cheek wondering what he was thinking about. The rapper had been mostly silent since they had woken up that morning. He wondered, not for the first time, if his mate hated him for this. For wanting this.

After his rut they had sat down to have a real conversation about it. About how they wanted to plan their lives and the risks involved. Jackson had only cried once but believed him when Jaebum told him that this wasn't because he didn't want to have kids with him. They both took a few days to mull it over and when they came back Jackson agreed it was their best option. With his body still healing and his heat hanging over their heads like a guillotine they needed to make the hard decisions now. Even if Jackson _could_ take his heat with another person his mate refused to take anyone else to bed with him.

_Knock, knock, knock._

"It's going to be okay." Jackson low voice whispered before pressing a soft kiss to his lips. "I'm with you all the way."

Fin.

**Author's Note:**

> Say hi to us on Tumblr!  
https://bang-channies.tumblr.com/
> 
> hey kids we got a twitter:  
S - https://twitter.com/hardstansonly  
K - https://twitter.com/BChannies


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